Reclaiming Your Power: Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs
Is life happening to you, or because of you?
Lately, I’ve been witnessing people around me suffer the consequences of their own actions—sometimes in ways that are painfully obvious. What amazes me is how often they don’t see it. We tend to live in denial until we get a wake-up call or two, and even then, many struggle to hold themselves accountable. The ego is a fickle thing.
In our infancy and teenage years, the world often happens to us. You’re told how to dress, what to eat, how to swear and to do as you're told. Once our parents and caregivers let us out into the world, it becomes our job to take responsibility for ourselves. Our peers teach us what we’re capable of and what we’re not, instilling programming into our belief systems that we will most likely have to rewire later on in life. We inherit stories, traumas and limiting beliefs that keep us stuck, trapped in situations we no longer want to be in. But they’re just that—stories. We can always rewrite a story from a new perspective, with new information and insights.
It’s like we’re on a unique mission, where each superhero is forged through overcoming their deepest fears and traumas. After all, a compelling backstory is essential for helping others! Even those who seem privileged can find themselves seeking more from life, often turning to something beyond themselves. The call for growth is always there, whether we like it or not. Everyone has their own version of suffering, and we can alchemize that pain into love by transforming it into art—whether that’s literal art or helping others through our own experiences.
"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." — Alice Walker
I always thought I was someone who was in control of my life. I bulldozed my way through, sometimes inconsiderate to my peers, but I took pride in thinking I had good boundaries and a strong “no.” However, I realized this only applied in certain areas of my life. Over the years, I encountered people and situations that acted as mirrors, reflecting my own behavior. Patterns repeated themselves, and once I saw them, it became obvious: the suffering lay in blaming someone or something else for my pain.
One of my own lessons was about being honest with myself. I had to ask, “Who am I to this person?” I found myself in countless situations where people took advantage of my kindness—squeezing free hours out of me at work, borrowing my things and my patience without offering anything back. They gained my trust and then used it against me. Each time, I felt devastated, betrayed, and angry. But I eventually realized I had created these situations myself.
As most people are living in survival mode, they only have enough energy to focus on themselves. I always knew this, yet would still naively assume that if I gave enough of myself to someone, they would make a sacrifice for me, despite it not always being in their best interest. What in me was so desperate for their love and validation that I would betray myself for their approval? Why was I always prioritizing their needs over my own? Learning my role in relationships became a powerful tool for me. I now see that when I'm working for employers, I’m the employee. The couple I spend a lot of time with are my friends, however their job is to prioritize each other, not me. My partner is my support, not the key to my happiness. I've now learnt to treat them as they are, honor my role and do my best to stay in my lane. That’s a boundary I can control.
You can blame your parents, a higher power, or karma, but the only one in control of your reality is you.
"The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life." — Hale Dwoskin
Something I learned through yoga is that there is no bad karma—shocking, right? It’s often used in negative contexts, turning into an excuse for suffering. But karma is really just a lesson. If you don’t pass the test, you’ll keep retaking it. You don’t level up until you’ve understood the assignment. Karma is triggered by our reactivity. By understanding our patterns and behaviors, we realize it’s always a choice. This way we can become more responsive instead and take our power back.
We often let our emotions drive us—of course we do. But emotions aren’t logical; they love stories and they can carry us away. By knowing ourselves, we can bring our stories back to what really matters, prioritizing what we value and taking responsive action that aligns with everyone’s best interests. Lesson learned. Next!!
Imagine you lose your job, your partner cheats on you, or you become ill, and the doctor tells you that your current lifestyle that you seem to love so much isn’t sustainable. You could feel devastated, lost, confused and decide to roll in the shit, or you can take responsibility, grow, learn, adapt, and overcome. The choice is yours. Yes, it takes courage, and, yes, it can be tough, but you’ll have to face the challenge regardless. So, what’s worth fighting for: remaining in a sinking boat, telling yourself it’s just a little water, or grabbing a life raft and making your way to safety?
Sending love,
Dani x
